Super Smash Spies
by EvilTomato
Summary: The Smashers work as government agents, doing everything from washing cars to sneaking into buildings! Randomness and the Mission Impossible theme abound!
1. The CarWash

Hello, my loyal fans! 'Tis I, DarkWarLordofDoomness! Well, it's Sunday, so there's nothin' but reruns on the tv, and even though I haven't played videogames in almost a month, they bore me right now. It's the curse of Sunday. I'm a liiiiiiiittle....stuck....on Money Management for SSBM. Well, not stuck, just sitting like a lump waiting for inspiration. So I figured, "Hey! Why not work on some pointless, stupid idea that's been rotting in my head for a week!!" So here I am! (rock you like a hurricane) Now on to the disclaimer!!

Disclaimer: If I owned SSBM,

I would bake

the characters in a pie.

Such havoc they would make,

Right before they'd die,

If I owned them all,

Life would be so sweet,

Life would be a ball,

That big pie I would eat,

But I can't. I don't own 'em.

That pie I cannot scoff,

If you try to sue me then,

I will say, "F-& OFF!!"

Super Smash Spies Mission 1: Wash the Car

There are many workers in the government. Some are hated and feared, like those tax guys. Some are lauded and loved, like firefighters. Some are considered cool, like those Secret Service people. Some.....I actually don't know where I'm going with this so I'll just get to the point.

There is a very, very secret little section of the government. The agents within it operate in silence and secrecy. Their jobs consist of everything from locating assassination plots and preventing wars to spying and picking up pizza. They are.......

The Super Smash Spies!!!

28/9/04 800hours The City That Sleeps until Noon

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEE-_**SMASH!!! **_Beep! Beep! Beep! Bee-_**SMASH! **_beep! bee- _**SMASH!! SMASH!! SMASH!!** be-**SMASH!!!!!!!!!**

Captain Falcon flopped back into bed. That stupid alarm wasn't just annoying, it was as hard to kill as a cockroach. Within minutes of his rude awakening he was oblivious to the surrounding world once again. Well, he was until-

"I said **WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!!!**"

Samus kindly picked up where the alarm left off.

"Jus' a few mo' min......"

"No! You were supposed to be downstairs an hour ago! Didn't your alarm-" Samus's eyes landed on the pathetic, smoking remains of the alarm clock. Captain Falcon started to snore again. What can a bounty hunter-turned-secret agent do when her fellow agent won't wake up?

**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!!!**

She can blast his butt off, that's what. Captain Falcon finally dragged himself out of bed, and Samus assisted him by dragging him to the Mission Control Room. She was so nice, she even helped him clean up by throwing him into the washing machine.

I'm going to stop now and talk about their super secret underground home. It was shaped like a beehive, and it was all underground. On the surface level, it was disguised as an Italian restaurant. The bottom level was where the Mission Control Room was. The second lowest level was where the kitchen and the living room was. The rest were either labs or bedrooms. There were stairs that could be used to go from level to level, but these were scorned in favor of the cool elevators.

The elevators were a marvel of technology. Well....maybe they weren't, but they were still really, really, really, really cool!! The elevators moved twice as fast as normal ones, and they were made of a clear plastic that was almost as strong as steel. They also had lots of buttons.

The Access Area was just below the surface level. Whenever the Smashers returned, they had to go through eye scans, passwords, fingerprint scans, and then look at the camera in the corner so the supercomputer could identify their faces. Only the most important officers had the codes necessary to reprogram the computers.

When Samus and Captain Falcon reached the Mission Control room, everyone else was already gathered around the tape recorder with their mission on it. They impatiently waited for the two ex-bounty hunters to take their seats. Mario was the team leader, with Link as second-in-command. Mewtwo was an experienced hacker and he maintained the electronic equipment they used. Zelda was currently spying in some foreign country. Kirby was a master of disguise, and was able to sneak into buildings unnoticed. (A.N. Don't laugh....don't laugh....please don't laugh...XD HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) Fox and Falco were wild cards. They had excellent shooting and piloting skills and could punch and kick as well as any of their foes, but they were hotheaded and had a tendency to sometimes go against orders. Luigi spent most of his time in the restaurant and was mostly just back-up. Marth and Roy were balanced, reliable agents. Well, Marth was. Roy was their explosives expert, and at times his temper matched his weapon of choice. The last member, Peach, was self-centered and whiny, but she had two machine guns and she knew how to use them. There was no ignoring her piloting skills either.

Mario turned on the cassette player. Master Hand's voice soon addressed them.

_"There is a foreign diplomat who has come to negotiate with the president. His car is very dirty. You need to take the car and get it cleaned and returned by 1300 hours. Should you fail this mission, you will be forever known as pathetic idiots with too much funding, just like every other military department. This message will self destruct in....NOW!!! _**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!**

Link wiped soot out of his eyes. "I wish he wouldn't do that."

Mario shook his hat. "There is no time to lose. Peach, Fox, Falco, prepare for flight. Marth, Mewtwo, Kirby, and Samus, prepare to go skydiving."

Marth paled ever so slightly but nodded. Mewtwo frowned. He didn't like going on missions. He prefered fiddling with computers and being left alone. Kirby hopped up and down with excitement, and Samus idly wondered if jumping out of a plane was scarier than facing down a planet of hostile creatures.

_1120 hours: Above the White House_

"Kay guys, in ten seconds you need to jump."

"Alright...."

"Why do I have to come along?"

"Why can't you shut up!?"

"Five seconds...."

"Yaaaaay! I get to be on a mission, I get to be on a mission!"

"Kirby, quit dancing!"

"Two......"

"I'm an electonics expert, not a lackey."

"GO!!!"

Kirby jumped out first, followed by Mewtwo and Samus. Marth took a deep breath, then jumped.

"WHEEEEEEEE!!! AAAAH!!!" Kirby was so light the wind blew him off course.

_'Don't look down...don't look down...' _Marth opened one eye, then, feeling sick, closed it and started to mentally go over every single prayer he knew, and parts of those he didn't.

Mewtwo continued to grumble to himself about idiotic leaders sending him on pointless missions.

After what felt like an eternity to some, they were low enough to release the parachutes and land. Kirby finally managed to get back on course and Marth found some bushes to throw up in.

"There's the foreign diplomat's car." The Mission Impossible theme played as Samus ran over to it. "Mewtwo, open it, wouldja?"

"............" The car door unlocked.

"Thanks!" Samus tried to open it, but it was jammed.

Kirby studied it closely while Samus unsuccessfully tried to open it again. He opened his mouth and sucked the door off.

"Thank you....ug...so much Kirby. Now we have less than two hours to get the door on and wash it!" Marth ran back to the barf bush.

Kirby's face fell as he studied his boots. "I just wanted to help..." he muttered.

Samus slapped her helmet. "Okay, Mewtwo, get that door back on. Kirby, start cleaning the interior."

"With what?'

"This from a living vacuum cleaner."

"Oh."

"Marth, help me wash the outside."

They worked quickly. There was very little time left. Mewtwo took advantage of his psychic powers by using them to hold the door in place and turning his shadow ball into a makeshift torch. Kirby diligently sucked up crumbs, then tried to dry the exterior. This caused one of the mirrors to fall off. Marth was still disoriented by the skydiving and barfed on the car, eating away at some of the black paint. After it was cleaned away, Kirby scribbled on it with a sharpie to hide the spot.

Marth checked his watch. "We're outta time!!"

Samus ran to see if the diplomat was coming. He was. "We have to go!"

Mewtwo, being a perfectionist, said, "If I stop now, the door will-"

"It doesn't matter! We need to go." So they hiked to the pick-up point in the woods where Fox, Peach, and Falco had parked the jet.

The diplomat got in his car and drove away, oblivious to the missing headlight and slightly torn upholstery. When he finally reached his house in Russia, which he somehow managed to drive to from the White House, the door fell off and burst into flame.

"_Good job, spies. You will recieve another mission tomorrow morning. This message will self-destruct in 30 seconds... 30...29....28...1!!!" _**BOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!**

"I hate it when he does that..."

**YoU hAvE rEaChEd ThE eNd Of ChApTeR 1**

There you go! A chapter of off-the-top-of-my-head nonsense!! Oh, I meant to say this earlier. I got the idea for this story from Whose Line Is It Anyway? They have that game where Colin and Ryan act like secret agents with stupid missions. It's so funny. Anyway, adios until the next update.

This fic will self-destruct unless you press the purple button.


	2. Mission 2: Death in the Drycleaner's

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Teme baka ana! I learned a sentence of Japanese! Well, it's not really a sentence, but anyways......

StevetheEvilTomato: Kam ona nuj polevka? (O.o) Nani?!?

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Steve can only speak in languages other than English right now. He just said,"Where is my soup?" in Czech.

StevetheEvilTomato: Teme ki-chiga akuma! . 

Audience: (It's been a while since I've used them...;) O.o

DarkWarLordofDoomness:........I THINK he just called me an insane and evil spirit in Japanese. Not too sure about the meaning of ki-chiga.

Steve: Je n' parle pas francais! Je parle englais! Je suis americain tomate!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: "I do not speak French! I speak English! I am an American tomato!" And on to the disclaimer!!

**DISCLAIMER: **If I owned the guys,

do you think I'd make a fic

'bout them being spies?

If people said they owned them

Do you think I'd give a heck?

No. I'd go up to them

and show off my big paycheck.

So back off lawyers,

Ya know who I'm talkin to,

if you try to mess with me,

my tomato will bite off your shoe.

**_Mission Two: Death in the Drycleaner's_**

_1/10/04 (That's the first day of the tenth month of the two thousand-and-fourth year)_

_730 hours_, _In the city that sleeps until noon...._

_"Goooooooood morning, City That Sleeps Until Noon! I'm the Weatherman, bringing you the weather, man. Heh heh....get it? Cause I'm bring you the WEATHER, MAN!? Yeah, that's right. I'm hip. Shake that thang. Wazzup, YO! I'm da top dawg! And you can expect mostly cloudy skies with a little drizzle-monizzle-fo-shizzle biz-"_** CRASH!!!**

Fox slowly rolled out of bed and flopped to the floor. He slowly, so slowly, crawled to the other side of the room where the shattered remains of his radio/alarm clock had landed after colliding with the wall. The numbers were now forever frozen as 7:32.

Yawning, Fox dumped it into the trash can along with the remains of his previous alarm clocks. He scratched his ear, threw on the clothes he found on the floor, and rummaged through his sock drawer until he found his blaster. Sticking it in his pocket, Fox ran out the door, pausing only long enough to scribble, '_Get new alarm clock'_ on his To-Do List.

He almost ran into Marth outside Falco's room.

"Doesn't ANYONE use the 'snooze' button anymore!?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Falco, never an early bird, despite being a bird, hadn't even bothered smashing his alarm clock, or throwing it at the wall. Instead, he shot it, causing a small explosion that woke up the two people with rooms next to his. This did not make them happy.

Fox decided that it would be best to continue walking when Peach, still in her pink nightgown, stomped past him armed with two paintball guns. As he neared the elevator, he heard shouts of "**Ow!!!** Peach, those things **hurt**!!!OWOWOWOW!!!" Fox pressed the shiny button marked "DOWN" and waited. When it opened, Mewtwo silently floated in after him.

Mewtwo pressed the pretty button marked 'CONTROL ROOM" and frowned at the speakers, which were playing the Mission Impossible Theme instead of elevator music. He floated over to a metal panel and removed it with his psychic powers. Focusing slightly, he started messing with the sound system.

The elevator doors were almost closed when Falco dived in. He was covered with paint and rubbing his bruised arms. Falco peered out the doors that were closing again, and saw, to his horror, Peach coming towards him, armed with a paintball machine gun.

_'Why, oh why did those stupid things have to be made!?!?'_ Falco expected those to be his final thoughts. Peach was going to get in before the doors closed, and he'd be trapped with the madwoman in a small space where there was no room to run. He could see her battle-angry eyes now. Soon he would be dead.

The doors closed with a whoosh, and Falco heard Peach slam into the door. Fox grinned at him, finger still on the **emergency shut** button.

"You. Saved. My. Life."

"You'd better save ME once she finds out I closed the door."

_Do-do-dododo, do do, dun dun duuuuun, dun dun duuun-_

_"Every day's a day I'm getting away with murd-"_

_"Craaaaaaawling in my skiiin, these wounds theeeeey will not heaaaaaal-"_

_"This is the Winterfresh Network, where icy cool breath is always on!"_

"Hey, turn back to that last channel, I like that song."

Mewtwo rolled his violet eyes and fiddled with the sound system for a second.

_"....how I faaaaaaaaaaall, confusing what is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeallllll!! There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface, confusing, consuming, this lack of self-control I fear is never-ending-" _**DING!**

The elevator had arrived at the destination. Mewtwo immediately left, but Fox and Falco lingered in the elevator for a second, singing along to the song.

"Fox-a! Falco! Get-a your asses-a in here-a NOW!!"

"Okay, okay! Sheesh. Slavedriver." Falco muttered darkly.

"Alright-a, we have today's-a mission.....Where'sa Peach?"

_'Probably knocked out after her head hit the elevator door.' _Fox thought, hoping she hadn't seen who had closed the door. "I think she's still sleeping."

A very annoyed Marth sat in his seat. One of Peach's shots misfired, and paint is very hard to get out of hair. The rest of the group stared at the yellow glob of paint in his blue hair.

"Uh...Marth....?" Link wanted to ask,"Why is your hair covered in yellow paint?" but instead asked, "Where is Peach?" Not that he cared.

Falco knew his tailfeathers were fried if Mario found out what happened, so he sent LOOKS at Marth, hoping he'd get the hint.

He did. "She's probably asleep."

Mario sighed. "We don't have any time, so we'd a-better get going." He pressed the button on the tape player.

_"Spies, you have a job from the president himself. This is of the highest importance. The President will now address you."_

The Spies all stood up, with Roy muttering,"Stupid protocals...." A voice with a Texan accent started to speak.

_"Mah fellow Americans and protecters of this great nation, I need you to pick up mah dry-cleaning in an hour. I need it back by ten, when I leave for my next vacation. May I also remind you to vote for someone who knows what he's doing in the upcoming election, and that I am working to help you put food on your family!"_

Master Hand's voice came back on.

_"Remember, this guy signs our paychecks. If you do not succeed in this mission, he will have nothing to wear for the dinner party with the British Prime Minister, and our country will look even worse in front of the other nations. GET YOUR ASSES ON IT NOW!! This message will self destruct in 3....2....1! KABOOM!"_

The Spies ducked. After waiting for a second, they all peeked at the tape recorder, which was still intact and unexploded.

_"Hahahahahahahaaa!!! Losers! It actually blows up NOW!!"_

**KABBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Coughing and sputtering, many of the Spies started to grumble about getting a new job.

"Roy, _cough_, Fox and-a _heuh heuh _Falco, plus," Mario paused and coughed again. "I-a, Fox, Falco, Link and Roy will go on this-a mission. Mama mia, I-a hate these-a exploding tapes...."

_845 hours_....

Fox parked the jet, hopped out, and stretched. When the others finished jumping out, he took out the remote key and locked the jet with a **juh juh!**

Mario, dressed in commando gear, held up his binoculars and checked out the surrounding terrain. People in the streets stopped to stare at the jet parked in the road, and at the people decked out in army clothing.

"Alright-a, the-a coast is clear. Roy, on-a my signal, blast open the-a doors of the drycleaning-a. Fox, Falco, go in and-a secure the area. Link, when the area is-a secure, go in and getta the President's clothes. Bring a walkie-a talkie. If I tell you to getta outta there, run-a like hell. Ready....a-set....that-a-go!"

Roy threw a grenade at the doors of the drycleaners. When they saw the grenade, the surrounding people ran like heck. The pyro grinned as the doors were blasted apart, and he pressed the play button on a boombox. It started to play "Mission Impossible."

Fox didn't even wait for the explosion to stop before he ran towards the drycleaner's. When he was close enough, he used Fox Illusion to speed through the doorway. His sharp ears picked up the little **zzt! **that meant Falco was right behind him. They moved so that they were on either side of the door, and pointed their blasters around the room.

The few people inside the drycleaner's were on the floor with their hands over their heads. Every few seconds they would glance up to stare at the giant canary and the fox, both with black paint smeared under their eyes. Falco took out a walkie-talkie. "The area is secure."

The little Asian man who owned the place stared at both the intruders and what had been done to his property. He felt like crying.

Link jogged in. "I'm here to pick up the President's stuff."

The owner nodded and moved so quickly he was a blur. "Here you go...." he stammered, scared for his life.

"I got it." Link yelled into his walkie-talkie.

"Something'sa coming! Get the hella outta there!"

"Copy!" Link shut it off and grabbed the package as two guys crashed through the roof. They both were wearing banana-yellow (and very stylish) army suits.

"They'ra from the-a Banana Republic! Hurry!" Mario screamed at Falco.

Fox grabbed two paintball machine guns he'd "borrowed" from Peach, and dived in slow-motion while shooting the soldiers.

Screaming as their stylish clothes were ruined, the Banana Republic soldiers fell to the ground.

"There's too many! We need-a to leave NOW!!" Mario yelled at Falco through the walkie-talkie.

Fox, Falco, and Link ran out, shooting paintballs at the soldiers around them.

"Ow!!" shrieked one soldier as he was shot. A woman in the streets covered her child's eyes from the grisly sight of his ruined outfit.

They hurried into the jet, and took off.

"Everyone all right!?" yelled Link. He glanced around the jet.

"Mario's taken a hit."

Emerald eyes widening, Link ran back to look at Mario. There was a splatter of paint on his arm.

"It...it **stings**!!!" Mario whined through gritted teeth.

"We'll get you help soon, Mario! Just hold on."

Fox flew the jet until they were above the White House, where Roy threw the drycleaned package out the window. He then sharply turned it so they could head back to their base.

_On the White House Lawn, 999 hours...._

"OW!!"

"What is it, Mr. President?" a Secret Service guy immediately drew his gun.

"Oh...mah drycleaning."

Later, right before the dinner party with the leaders of many important, powerful nations, he unwrapped it, expecting his suit. Instead...

"Oh mah...."

_Secret Base, 2000 hours..._

_"....So he ended up going in a DRESS. Albeit a sexy red one, but a DRESS nonetheless._ _You failed your mission."_

"It's the drycleaner's fault!!"

_"Why are you telling this to a prerecorded tape?"_

"..........................."

_"That's what I thought. You all can expect severe penalties, the first of which being-"_

"That's so unfair!"

Why don't you punish the dycleaning guy!?"

_"Shut up!"_

Everyone shut up as the tape commanded.

_"You can expect many severe penalties, the first of which being Zelda returning home."_

The Spies cheered wildly.

_"................."_

They stopped, and said, "AAAAAAAAWW!" like little kids being told they couldn't have candy. But Link could hardly restrain his excitement at the thought of Zelda's return

_"And a nun will be sent tomorrow to smack your hands with rulers."_

The Spies winced.

_"And this tape will explode!"_

**KAAAAAAAAABBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!**

Wiping the soot away from their eyes, the Spies started to plan their plans to surprise Zelda when she returned.

_**ThIs Is ThE eNd Of ChApTeR 2**_

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Well? Do you like it? Hate it? Think it needs ketchup? Then REVIEW!! And back off lawyers!!!

StevetheEvilTomato: Je ne mange pas les chaussures!!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: You will eat the shoes of any lawyers who come, and be happy to do that!

Steve: ......Non.

DarkWarlordofDoomness: (picks up HokeyPokeyStickofPain) Review, or you'll suffer the same fate as Steve.

Steve: OoO!!!!!!!!

This fic will self-destruct in 5 seconds unless you press the purple button.


	3. Mission 3: Find the Eskimo Part One

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Nyuh...I'm sorry people, I'd have gotten this chapter up sooner, but my compy's been acting up. (coughs) Plus, I have a folder.

StevetheEvilTomato: Uh, yeah, so does everyone else who goes to school.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: (smacks Steve) Not THAT kind of folder, you idiot!!(voice starts to croak) A cold and a fever!! FOLDER!!!

Steve: Aw, you poor wittle thing.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: And I had to go to school on Monday even though I was about to throw up, and even though I got no sleep cause I had to keep blowing my nobe....(sneezes)

Steve: oO (covered in snot) Ew. Ew. Ew.

DarkWarLordofDoomness:.......because I had THREE tests that day, in math, French, and English. And the English test was on Romeo and Juliet, acts one and two. Thang Gob it (blows nose) was open book. And math was on those stupid matrices.

Steve: Ew. Ew. Ew. (still covered in snot)

**Disclaimer: **

**TheLazyJellyfishWithoutWrath:**.....(wakes up) DarkWar-person doesn't own anything except Steve......(flops thoughtfully) She doesn't own me either....She....uh....also doesn't own me or the EskimoThatSaysBeardo. We belong to Skye Agony, Guitarist of Skies.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Why are you still here!?!?! Evil jellyfish...(coughs and sneezes at the same time)

Lazy: (flops)

_**Mission 3.0: Find the Eskimo a.k.a. One Very Bad Morning PART ONE!!!**_

_630 hours in the City That Sleeps Until Noon_

**Do-Do-Do-dadodado-do do do do-do do do dun dun dun dunananun.......**

The mushroom-shaped alarm blasted the ever famous tune for precisely ten seconds before a gloved fist knocked it off the table and against the wall.

_'It **can't **be six-thirty already.....' _Mario was just about to drift into luxurious, warm, dream-filled sleep when...

"**SIX THIRTY!?! HOW THE HECK CAN IT BE SIX THIRTY!!!**"

A little birdy told him that it was indeed 6:30.

"**YOU STAYED UP ALL NIGHT WATCHING INTERNET CARTOONS, STUPID!!!!!!!**"

"**YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

"Why-a can't they-a let me sleep?" Mario groaned.

"**YOU WOKE ME UP!!!!**"

"**HOW!?!?!**" There was a loud whacking noise.

"**BY YELLING SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!"**

"**FOX, FALCO, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS YELLING ABOUT!?!?!?!?**"

"**FALCO WOKE ME UP!!!!!**"

"**WELL, YOU.........STINK!**" Smooth.

"**PEACH, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!?!?**"

"**ROY, THESE TWO IDIOTS WOKE ME UP!!!!!!!!!"**

"**WELL, YOU WOKE _ME_ UP WITH YOUR YELLING!!!**"

"**WOULD YOU! ALL! STOP! YELLING!!!**"

Silence. Sweet, beautiful, delightful silence. It was so beautiful, it almost made Mario cry with the sheer relief of it all.

Then all heck broke loose.

"**DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!!!!!**" There followed a sound similar to the sound of someone getting punched.

"**I DIDN'T!! THAT WAS HIM!!!**" More punching sounds.

"**I CAN'T MEDITATE WITH YOU ALL YELLING!!!**" That sounded like Mewtwo. Several crashes shook the entire underground secret base.

"**THEN STOP YELLING!!**"

"**YOU!!!**" Noises sounding suspiciously like a blaster and a paintball machine gun erupted.

Mario buried his head under his pillow. That didn't work. Neither did the supposedly soundproof earmuffs. Frustrated and tired, Mario did the only sensible thing. He ran headlong into the fray.

"**Everyone stop it!!!**" He unleashed his mighty punches and kicks on the noisy ones.

"Hey, Mario, this doesn't concern you!!" Falco threw him across the room.

Mario, as a retort, removed his glove and slapped him across the face. Everyone gasped.

"That stings..." Falco sniffed.

"Will you all shutta up, and go abouta your daily buisness-a now-a!?!?!"

"Okay, okay..."

"Sheesh."

"Grouch."

Mario twitched in annoyance.

"Everyone-a, go to-a your-a rooms, get ready for work, and meet-a me in the Mission Control room in-a one hour!"

"Uh, Mario, I'm sorta tired from that fight, so couldn't it be a little longer? You know, just so we could rest a little...?"

"ONE hour!"

"Aw crud...."

Mario retreated into his room and got dressed. He then went to the Access Room, but bumped into Luigi, who was on his way in with breakfast.

"Hey-a, Mario, whatsa with all-a the racket-a?"

"Nothing-a, just a little-a disagreementa. It was-a easily solved-a. PANCAKES!!!"

Luigi smiled. If there was one thing he was proud of, it was his cooking.

"I've gotta several-a different-a types of syrup, and a choice between strawberries-a, pecans-a, and-a bananas."

Mario helped him with the huge platter. Their agents ate a LOT. The brothers carried it down the hall. As they got closer to where the bathroom was located, they started hearing a lot of noise. Mario left Luigi holding the huge platter, and ran to the end of the hall. He peeked around the corner.

One, big, long line of grumpy spies, all dressed in bathrobes of various lengths and colors, and holding assortments of towels and hair products, waited in front of the bathroom. The ones at the front of the line were glaring at those behind them, daring someone to **try** cutting in front of them. Those at the back were either sullen and resigned to a shower with cold water, or they looked as though they were about to dare cutting in front of the lucky ones at the beginning of the line.

Marth was dealing with an unusual combination of feelings. Firstly, he was smug at having gotten there before all those poor saps behind him. But he was also furious at himself for letting Peach get in there before him.

"**PEACH!!! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR TWENTY MINUTES!!!! WE NEED SHOWERS, TOO!!**"

Peach, her voice slightly muffled, responded huffily, "I, unlike the rest of you, have beautiful hair that needs special treatment!"

Marth glared at the door. She was forgetting who she was talking to. "Hey, ROY!!!"

"What?"

"Come here!!"

"No way. I've been standing here for twenty minutes. I'm not about to get out of line!" Roy was towards the middle of the line.

".............I'll let you cut!"

Roy was there in a second. Those who had been in front of Roy protested loudly.

"That's cheating!"

"No cuts!"

"**SHUT UP!!!!**" Marth turned to Roy. "Think you can get this lock off?"

Roy inspected it for a second, then sped towards his room.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Mario, having seen enough, ran back to where Luigi was. "We'll be taking a little detour."

Roy was back in less than a minute. He was carrying a small assortment of things, as well as a pair of goggles. After setting them up, he retreated to a safe distance, around five feet away.

In the bathroom, Peach stepped daintily out of the shower. She would be nice (for once) and shorten her the amount of time it took to take a shower. After all, Marth was gonna be mad enough once he learned that she'd used up his shampoo.

She threw on a pair of flares and a t-shirt that said "Bite me". She would put on make-up in her room, away from the mob of people outside the door.

_'Funny......it's usually not this bad.....'_ Then again, they usually woke up at different times, and usually without an all-out brawl.

Peach opened the bathroom door, prepared to bask in her generosity.

At the same time Peach opened the door, Roy pushed the button that caused the explosive stuff attached to the door knob to blow up.

The smoke was everywhere. Everyone was coughing, and they were all now **desperately** in need of a shower.

Peach, her hair sizzling, glared at Roy. He was about to experience a lot of pain.

Suddenly, an annoying little series of beeping noises came out of nowhere. Everyone, wanting to know where they came from, looked up.

And the fire alarm triggered the sprinklers.

_In the Mission Control Room..._

Mario stared at the soggy pancakes in front of him.

"Which **idiot** caused-a the sprinklers to-a go off-a!?!"

Almost a dozen fingers pointed at Roy.

"Uh......Marth told me to do it!!"

The glares aimed at Roy switched to Marth.

"Hey! I wouldn't have asked him to do it if Peach hadn't taken so long!"

Everyone's eyes swiveled towards Peach.

"Well.......I wouldn't have needed to take one then if Mario hadn't told everyone to be ready in less than an hour!"

Eighteen eyes glared at Mario.

"................Just play-a Master Hands' message......" Mario massaged his forehead with his fingers. He could feel one mama-mia of a headache coming.

_"Hello, spies. We have recently recieved information from Zelda. The information that Zelda gave us tells us that we need to get information from an eskimo who says "beardo" at the end of each sentence. You need to find the eskimo. Should you fail this mission, I will be very mad at you."_

No one cared. They were waiting for the "This message will self-destruct" line.

_"And so will Zelda."_

They cared a little bit more when he said that, especially Link.

_"Since you have a tough mission ahead of you, I will be nice today. This message will not blow up, just quietly erase itself."_

Everyone sighed with relief. Things were looking up. Maybe the day wouldn't be entirely bad.

_"We believe the eskimo in question is in Antarctica at the moment."_

Probably not.

"_And that thing about the tape not self-destructing? I lied."_

**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Make that definately not.

_**EnD oF tHiS cHaPpIe- Do YoU hAtE mE nOw?**_

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Wow. This chapter ended up being longer that I thought it was going to be. So long, I have to make it TWO chapters. The second half should come vewy vewy soon.....maybe next week. Depends on if I'm still tired. When winter somes, I get so very tired. I must've been a bear or something that hibernates in a past life. Cause I'm tiiiiiiiiired..and sick....and it's only 8!!!!!!! O.O

StevetheEvilTomato: O.o Scary.....well, I'm bored. I'm gonna go chew on your books....

DarkWarLordofDoomness: (wide awake) STEVE, IF YOU LAY ONE TOOTH ON THEM, I SHALL MAKE YOU SUFFER!!!!!

Steve: Yay. You're awake now.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: (slouches) Steve, you're gonna kill me one day. (coughs)

Doubt-bringers: She'sssss almost asssssleep and she'ssss sssuffering from a mere cold..........How pathetic.....

DarkWarLordofDoomness: (hits them with Hokey Pokey Stick of Pain) IT'B A FOLDER!!!YOU STUBID DOU' INGERB!!!!

Doubt-bringers: Ow.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: (turns towards audience and waves Hokey Pokey Stick of Pain) YOU WANT SOME OF THIB!?!?!

Audience: (runs away)

_**If you do not press the purple button, this fic will self-destruct.**_

_**5......**_

_**4......**_

_**3.....**_

_**2......**_

_**1.....**_


	4. Find the Eskimo Part Two!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yay! I updated Money Management, surprisingly, so now I'm going to update this!

StevetheEvilTomato: And not update Money Management for another two months.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Exac-HEY!!! For your information, mister, I was up half the night from insomnia!

Steve: So?

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Steve, don't you know **anything? **I do my best work when I am caffeinated after five hours of sleep!

Steve: Huh. I didn't know you were staying up THAT late.

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Well, yeah, this coming from a tomato in my head. I went to bed, got an idea for storyness, went back to bed, came up with another idea I didn't want to forget, back to bed, couldn't sleep, so I read a book for a while. Then I fell asleep while listening to Linkin Park.

Steve: O.o You fell asleep to THEM!?!

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Yep. All that screaming either makes me want to do somthing active,or it makes me tired.

Steve: Freak.

**Disclaimer:**

Doubt-Bringer#1: Thisss sso-called "DarkWarLordofDoomnessssss" ownsss nothing.

Doubt-Bringer#2: Nadda.

Doubt-Bringer#3: Nothing at allsss!

Doubt-Bringer#1: You can't ssssmilessss!!!!

Doubt-Bringer#3: Why notsss? I like sssmilingssss.

Doubt-Bringer#2: We're crossesss between dementorsss and ringwraithssss!! We're evilsss!!!!

Doubt-Bringer#3: -.- Sssso?

Doubt-Bringer#1: (slaps him) We. Do. Not. Sssssmilessss!!!

Doubt-Bringer#3: Meaniesssss.

Doubt-Bringer#2: I givessss up.

**_Mission 3.5 FIND THE ESKIMO!!!!!! (And Have A Nice Day!)  
_**

_"You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way, you're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you!!! On my own, cause I can't take livin' with yooooooou!! I'm alooooone, so I won't turn out like you want me to! You thought were standing beside me, you were only in my way, you-**" BLAM!!**_

The pilot stared at his ruined CD player. Everyone else on the jet stared at Falco.

Falco, still groggy and tired, couldn't register exactly where he was for a minute. This place wasn't his familiar room. And the CD player he'd shot wasn't his. _'Oops...'_

"Urm...sorry....heh heh..." He laughed nervously. He suddenly remembered the mission, the jet, how they were on their way to an icy wasteland...he decided that sleep was the best thing to do at the moment.

"Uh, we're here!" The co-pilot informed them, staring nervously at Falco's blaster.

Dang.

Everyone prepared themselves for the sheer cold that awaited them. You know, big bulky jackets, specialized scarves, hats, goggles, giant boots that constantly made you trip, that sort of thing. They all reluctantly left the warmth and comfort of the megajet.

"Tell me again why we are here."

"To find the eskimo who says 'beardo.'"

"Aren't eskimos normally in the North Pole?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought, too."

"Maybe Master Hand sent us the wrong information."

".......Why would he do that?"

"Maybe he didn't hear Zelda correctly."

"That's likely."

Marth, Link and Roy waded through the snow in silence. Amazingly, everyone (Except Luigi) had come along for this mission. Actually, they'd had no choice. Master Hand sent a megajet to pick them up. The thing was piloted by a special unit specializing in flying. There was just enough time before departure to gag down a few platefuls of soggy, sooty pancakes. Or to dunk your face into a sink full of water. Whichever you prefered.

Peach shivered behind Mario. "It's so cold." she whined.

Mario watched the jet take off, then walked after Roy, Marth, and Link.

_'Where would-a the nearest-a towna be....'_ He immediately stopped walking. There were no towns in Antarctica. Just several research bases, inhabited by scientists from several countries. As far as he could remember, there was only one or two guys there from the US. And they weren't eskimoes. And he doubted that any of them said 'beardo.'

"**STOOOPP-A!!!**" He roared above the wind.

"Dude, Mario, I'm freezing my feathers off here." Falco glared at him. "I'd like to get to the nearest town-thing as soon as possible!" He gulped when he saw Mario's icy glare, colder than even the continent they were on.

"**There-a. Are-a. No. Towns. In. Antarctica**! Just-a research bases-a!" He snarled. "Either Master-a Hand-a is stupider-a than we-a thought-a, or we've-a been setta up!!"

They all stood in a circle, trying to keep their faces out of the wind, fiddling uncomfortably with their special heat-conserving scarves and gloves, thinking about the implications of what he was saying.

"Master Hand wouldn't get rid of us! He needs us! The US needs us!"

Samus, a lot better off than the others in her Chozo suit, scanned the surrounding area. They had to get out of this cold. "I'll try contacting Master Hand!"

Her helmet beeped. _Do do dooaoaah!!! "I'm sorry, the Hand to which you are desperately trying to call for help is out of your service area. Please hang up and try to survive on your own."_

"It's no good! We have to try to survive on our own!"

"_I just said that!"_ Samus smacked her helmet. Stupid thing.

"Maybe we could try to get to that science settlement-thing Mario was talking about! Better to do something than stand around waiting for a frozen doom!"

Everyone agreed on this, and started walking.

"Samus, do you think you could get our latitude and longitude?" Link yelled over the wind.

"You know, we have little short-range walkie-talkie things." Her voice came from his ear. He yelped with surprise. "Idiot. And when I try to get our coordinates, the thing starts going, 'I'm sorry, blah blah blah blah I really need to shut up!'"

Roy's voice suddenly came in at the same time. "I think I read in a book somewhere that the best way to walk through snow is by everyone walking in a straight line, then taking turns being leader. It's supposed to save energy or something."

"You can read?" Peach snorted. "I didn't know you could."

"Yeah, and I bet you've been waiting to use that remark for YEARS."

"It's a good idea." chirped Kirby. He was holding onto Samus' leg to keep from getting blown away. "Tallest first!"

Now that they knew how the order was to be determined, they measured eachother's height. Since they had nothing with which to measure their height, this caused.....problems.

Captain Falcon was quickly determined to be the tallest. After him came Marth. There was some argument over Link's posture, but he became third. Samus went right after him. Mewtwo was fifth, though he was taller than Peach only because of his ears.

Peach went after Mewtwo. Roy, discouraged to find out that he was shorter than Peach, followed her. Falco followed Roy, and Fox followed Falco. Mario, despite being leader, was second last. And Kirby was the very last.

For what seemed like a long time, they irritably trudged along. Captain Falcon was cold.

_'I'm cold. Cold cold cold cold cold cold. Very cold.'_

Marth followed him, fretting over the mess his skin was turning into.

_'I'm going to need a truckful of lotion by the time this is over. Lotion and a long, hot shower. A very hot shower. So hot, it'll burn my skin off. Uh, nevermind. Not THAT hot.'_

_'I hope we get back soon enough to finish Zelda's Welcome Back party. I'll get rid of the sprinklers, fire precautions or not, if they ruined the stuff.'_

_'Six hours, thirty-two minutes and sixteen seconds until I have to lead us to our death. Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven. Ten.....'_

While Samus was reaquainting herself with numbers one through sixty, Mewtwo discovered something useful. If he used his powers just so, he could keep the wind from blowing ice onto him. Very useful. Then Peach started screeching behind him because his manipulation of the wind for his own comfort was causing Peach to get hit with even more icy snow. Mildly annoying. He created a snowball and threw it at her. She screeched even more loudly. At this rate, Mewtwo was going to get a headache. For someone who used his mind for pretty much everything from moving around to repairing delicate hardware to throwing annoying fools into walls, a headache would be bad. Very bad. And painful. He threw another snowball. She continued to screech. Sighing, Mewtwo wrapped his scarf around his face, hoping to block out the sound. It didn't work.

Peach continued to simmer in her anger long after she stopped screaming at Mewtwo.

_'Stupid cat-thing. I hope he gets the mother of all headaches.'_ Her thoughts continued on, pretty much repeating themselves over and over. '_I hope his tail freezes off of his big butt, the ugly...'_

'_I can't believe SHE of all people is taller than me. How can that happen?!?! Am I doomed to forever be known as a short redhead?!?' _

_'I wish I had my alarm clock. Then I could shoot it. And make it shut up. No, I wish I had my bed. Yay....'_

_'I wonder if Peach remembers anything from the elevator incident. Because it would be really bad if she did. Even worse, if she found out that I shut the doors. Oooh crap, painful mental images. No. No thinking. Especially not about how she'll mangle you if she gets the chance. Nope. Not thinking.'_

_'I don'ta get it-a. What could Master-a Handa get from us dying-a? Maybe-a itta was a stupid-a mistake. That-a might be almost-a as bad, if-a they'ra THAT stupid-a....'_

_'WING THING! That rhymes! So does ring and sing and bling-bling....'_

The agents trudged onward, half blinded by snow even with the goggles. Marth was in the front now.

_'Stupid Mewtwo....'_

_'I heard that, Peach.'_

_'I want my bed.......'_

_'Zelda's so pretty. And smart. And strong. I wonder exactly how long it'll be until she gets back....'_

_'I-a don'ta get it...'_

_'Mat. Bat. Cat. Rat. Brat. What else rhymes?'_

_'Why can't I grow more?!?! An inch, even. Anything.....'_

'_I'm dead. So dead. Peach is probably thinking about killing me even as we speak. No, more likely Falco. Or Marth. What about Roy? Dang, she gets mad at everyone.'_

_'Cold. Cold. Cold. Cold. Cold. Coooooooooooooold.'_

_'Three hours, fifty minutes, and thirty seconds....'_

_'Lotion. Hot shower. Lots of chicken soup. Sounds good. Not like this cold. I hate Antactica. Why anyone would want to study this stupid hunk of dead iceness is beyond me-' _**"OOOOOOOOOOW!!!!"** Marth felt his head hit something hard. Slouched against the cold, he hadn't seen anything until it was right under his nose. Or in front of his head. Either way, here was a building. A building. A beautiful, solid building made of something other than ice. Excitedly, the Smashers all searched for an entrance. When they found it, they rang the doorbell.

_**Dun-do**!_

"......"

"No one's answering...."

"Ring it again!"

**_Dun-do! Dun-do!_**

"......................."

"Let me do it!"

**_Dun-do! Dun-do! Dun-do!_**

"They're still not answering!"

"So close to safety, yet so far away!"

"Dude, you need to press it really, really, really fast, like this!"

**_DunDunDunDunDunDunDun-do!!_**

"Falco, shut up, it won't work like that. ! You need to do it to a tune or something! MOVE!"

**_Dun-do DunDun-do, DunDunDun-do!_**

"................." Silence, except for the roar of the wind and ice.

"Dude, just keep on doing it until they answer!"

"It won't work! I bet it's broken!"

"It's fine, we just need to push the button harder!"

_**DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDU**click_

"What was that click sound?!?"

"What click sound? I didn't hear any click sound!"

"Dude, there was so a click sound!"

"LET-a ME-a DO IT-A!! Mama mia, those-a idiots...."

_Click! Click! Click! Click!_

"..................."

"Way to go, Samus."

"........Shuddap, shorty."

"I AM NOT SHORT!!!!"

"Yes you are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"AM NOT!" Roy poked her angrily with his sword.

"ARE TOO!" Samus hit him with her chozo cannon.

"Children, children, stop your bickering."

"**KEEP OUT OF THIS MEWTWO**!!!"

Thirty seconds later, Samus and Roy were collapsed against the wall, dazed. Mewtwo remained where he was, but he held his throbbing head in his hands...paws....things. The others stared for a moment, eyes wide, then quickly lost interest and focused their attention on other things.

"Knock on the door!"

_Tap! Tap! Tap!_

"You pansy! That's not how you knock! "

**_BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!!_**

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW MY HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Idiot!"

"Shut up, pansy."

"**I AM NOT A PANSY**!!" Mewtwo sent Link a withering glare as his headache grew worse. "Sorry......."

"**WE'RE DOOMED!**" Falco, Peach, and Captain Falcon yelled. "**DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-**"

**"SHUT UP!!**" Mewtwo snarled as he wrenched the door off its hinges. His eyes glowed yellow-gold with anger. He was surrounded by purple/black flames. A psychic with a headache was a fearful thing indeed.

They instantly shut up and ran inside. There was a man sitting at the table sipping herbal tea.

"Hello?" Marth waved to him. He appeared not to notice.

"Well.....we rang the doorbell, but no one came, so we just kind of...."

Someone else, a polar bear in a showercap and towel, came running down the hallway.

"They always have to come when I'm in the shower, don't they?!?" He saw them. Oh, hello. I'm sorry I didn't get to the door in time. I was taking a shower, and....." His jaw dropped. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DOOR!!?!"

Everyone slowly edged away from Mewtwo. "He did it!"

"......"

"Argh..." the polar bear shook his head unhappily. He tapped the tea-sipping man's shoulder, and made some signs with his paws. The man nodded and went into another room.

"I guess-a....um..that-a we should-a introduce ourselves. I'ma Mario, and this is my team. We're-a from Sector-a SSBM of the US of A."

"The polar bear stared at them is surprise. "THAT sector? Dang. What are you all doing here, anyway?"

"We think our boss made a mistake when he gave us our mission. Is there anyway we can contact him?"

"Yes, there's a giant TV/telephone in the other room, you can call him from there." the polar bear pointed a large clawed paw at a door. "By the way, my names Coca Cola, and the other guy's name is Dan the Deaf Guy. He's a genius mechanic person."

"Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Mr. Cola!"

"Call me Coca." The bear said dismissively. "Mr. Cola is what my dad's called."

"Is your father in those famous soda commercials!?!?"

"Yeah, and he'll never let me forget it...." With this, the bear ushered them into the room.

At the front of the room was a giant screen, with a pedastal in font of it. Mario went to the pedastal, and dialed a series of numbers on the keypad. The spies waited for Master Hand to pick up.

_"...they ALWAYS call when I'm in the shower! Hello?" _The giant hand, wearing a bathrobe and showercap, answered.

"Master-a Hand? Is that-a you?"

_"How many other giant, floating hands do you know?"_ He snapped back, twitching. Drops of water splattered on the screen.

"Don't you have a brother or something?" Kirby piped up.

Master Hand froze. If he had eyes, he'd probably use them to glare at Kirby. At any rate, he didn't, so he made a very rude gesture at him.

Mario cleared his throat. "Master-a Hand-a, are you-a sure the eskimo is-a here-a? Because-"

Master Hand interrupted him. _"Actually, no. You see, the report has a typo in it."_

Link blinked. (A/N: LINK BLINK! That rhymes....heh heh....) Was it his imagination, or did Master Hand seem cheerful at the change of subject? He apparently didn't like talking about his brother that much. (A/N Whatever gave him that idea?)

"Whatta was the a-typo?" Mario was not as easily distracted as Link.

"_Hold on....."_ Master Hand left the screen for a moment. He returned with a piece of paper. "_Okay, right here, it says the Eskimo is in the 'Nouth' pole."_

"Uh-huh....."

_"We assumed the n, not the u, was a mistake."_

"................................."

_"Really, it's Zelda's fault. Doesn't she have spellcheck?"_

"..................."

_"OKAY, OKAY, it's our fault. Sheesh. The eskimo is on the other side of the planet, more than 10,000 miles away from where we sent you. Happy?!?"_

"No. You're still sending us to another freezing cold place."

_"Whatever. I'm sending another megajet to pick you guys up."_

"Are you sending the same guys you sent last time?" Falco jumped in. If they were the same guys whose CD player had been blown up by him, things could get.....awkward.

_"No, for some reason those guys refuse to have anything to do with Sector SSBM ever again. We're sending some guys from another special unit. The second they arrive, I want you guys to get your butts up to the North Pole, pronto. You've wasted enough time."_ He recieved an unhealthy dose of glares for that last sentence. _"Okay, WE wasted enough time. Report when you've recieved the information from the Eskimo who says 'beardo.'"_ He turned his back on the screen. Master Hand then looked around furtively,and started to dance. _"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and brIGHT! And I pity, oh so pity......"_

Their eyes glued themselves to the screen. Mewtwo's headache grew steadily more painful. He turned and flew from the room. Fox and Falco muttered excuses about wanting hot chocolate and fled. Peach, thinking hot chocolate sounded good, followed them. The rest stayed, hypnotized by the sight of their boss dancing.

_"I feel charming, oh so charming, it's alarming how charming I- hey, is this still on?!"_

The spell broken, the spies initiated a mass exodus from the room as their boss spouted curses and expletives that, if written down, would get this fic deleted five seconds after this chappie was posted.

The kitchen was five levels below the surface, so Fox and Falco got onto the elevator. Mewtwo, in desperate need of Aspirin and herbal tea, also got on. Had he been able to think properly, he would have taken another elevator, or the stairs. But it was impossible for him to think with his head throbbing and his nose dripping....

_'MY NOSE IS DRIPPING!?!'_ Woo. '_Just what I needed_,' he thought venemously. '_A cold.'_

The door had started to close just before Peach got on. Strangely, she had the oddest sense of deja-vu when she was about a foot away from the door. As the elevator doors closed, she thought she saw Falco and Fox exchange nervous glances. Why would they be nervous? Then, she remembered.

She remembered hearing Falco shoot his alarm clock.

She recalled chasing him down the hall with her paintball machine gun.

She recollected seeing Fox's and Mewtwo's tails as the doors slammed together in front of her face.

She remembered it all. Smiling, Peach leaned against the wall.

"Can any of you remember the last time you three were in an elevator together?"

"Erm, no, I can't! Can you, Fox?"

"Nope!" Fox raised his voice a bit too much, and plastered a fake grin on his face.

Mewtwo sneezed. A stool that had been left for anyone too short to reach the elevator buttons was blown apart.

Peach, still smiling dangerously, aimed her paintball machine gun at the three.

"I do."

When the elevator reached Level 5, Peach daintily brushed imaginary dust off her designer pants and walked out. Humming, she was pleasantly surprised to find a hot chocolate maker next to the coffee one. She poured hot chocolate for herself, then walked up the stairs. Exercise was nice once in a long while.

She found the rest of the team chatting with Coca while waiting for the megajet to arrive. Smiling, Peach joined in on the conversation.

About two hours later, Mewtwo, Fox, and Falco appeared just before the megajet arrived. Granted, they had done a fairly good job of cleaning up the paint that covered them from head to toe. But evidence of the paint, and Peach's wrath, still remained. The welts from getting hit by a paintball at close range. The headaches they ALL had. The fact that, upon entering the jet, they all waited until Peach went in before they went anywhere near it, then chose seats as far away from her as possible.

The pilot greeted them all cheerfully. He looked like he was about to go on a roller coaster or something. His copilot, in contrast, looked stressed, tired, and haggard. When they entered, he squeaked out a quiet hello, then gripped his seat as though it was the only thing between him and certain death.

After they were seated, the pilot picked up the overcom and cheerfully stated, "Next stop: North Pole! Please try to remain seated! Unless you want to use the bathroom in the back!"

With a rumble, the megajet took off into the sky. Marth glanced curiously at the copilot as he reclined on the unbelievably comfy seats. He looked, if possible, even more frightened. He poked Roy, meaning to point this out, but Roy only glared back and told him to shut up and let him sleep "before I use my sword to give you a lovely new haircut." Not wanting to risk his hair, Marth left him alone.

After a while, when most of them had almost nodded off, the pilot yelled out "WOOO! TIME TO STRAP YERSELVES IN, WE'VE GOT TURBULANCE!!!" Before they could even strap themselves in, the jet rolled over, then dived and pulled up sharply. Bruised, they had only just returned to their seats when....

"OH NO!! MORE TURBULANCE!!" The pilot shouted happily. The jet flipped, turned sharply twice, then did what felt like a loop-de-loop. When the plane flew a steady course once again, the spies picked themselves up from the floor, whining about various injuries.

"AAAH!! WE SEEM TO BE ENCOUNTERING A LOT MORE TURBULANCE!" The megajet turned up sharply. The spies were all thrown to the back. They were pressed against the wall, unable to move or do anything but scream with terror.

As he was squashed against the wall with Mario's butt in his face, some distant, detatched part of Link's mind was reassuring him that his day couldn't get any worse. The rest of him screamed in panic.

The jet finally levelled out, and the spies fell to the floor, weak with relief.

Then the megajet started to dive.

The spies fell towards the windshield, shrieking while their panic-stricken minds envisioned painful deaths at the end of a long fall. As the jet moved faster towards the ground, Link experienced, for one moment, the sensation of floating. Then the pilot pulled out of the dive and he was slammed against the floor.

When he opened his eyes, he couldn't see anything but those pesky stars going in a circle around his head. Growling, he swat at them. The stars dejectedly fell to the floor and burst into flame. Slowly, every muscle in his body screaming bad names at him, he got to his feet.

The pilot was bound and gagged. In his seat sat Fox. The copilot looked a lot happier now that someone else was flying. Mario spat out a tooth.

"You've abeen a-knocked outta for-a while." He pointed out the obvious to Link.

"We should be set to land in twenty minutes." The copilot announced.

_After they landed......_

The spies stared at Mario.

"Soo....what do we do now?"

"We-" Mario was interrupted as Kirby was thrown from the jet.

"Leave Mewtwo alone." Samus smirked, not that anyone saw it. Kirby got to his feet.

"He won't come outside!" He whined. "He just sits there holding a giant box of tissues, then yells at me to 'geb the heg oub of here beforb I-'"

"Throw-a you outta of the-a jet?"

"Exactly!"

"It's probably-a best-a if we just leave him-a there." Mario sighed.

"So, how do we find this eskimo?Do we just go around talking to as many as possible to see if any of them say 'beardo?'"

"......................."

Since they couldn't think of anything else to do, that's what they did. Hours passed as they spoke to eskimoes. Trying to retain some of their spy dignity, they dressed in disguises, and pretended to be taking surveys.

Some were subtle and skilled.

"How good is the fishing in this area?"

"Do you think the schools have adequate funding?"

"What is your favorite brand of shampoo?"

Others were.....not.

"Do you say 'beardo?'"

"No....."

"Do you know anyone who says 'beardo?'"

"No........"

"Does anyone you know go around saying 'Hey I met this weird guy who says 'beardo?''"

"No. Don't you think you used a lot of quotes for that last sentence?"

After inspecting his sentence, Roy announced, "No. I was quoting someone quoting someone else. I used the right amount......I think. Bye."

Elsewhere, Falco just randomly walked around. He had no clue what to do. He spotted some random eskimo guy eating something. Curious as to what he was ingesting, Falco walked up to him.

"What are you eating?"

The guy showed him a frozen tomato on a stick. It alreadyhad a large bite taken out of it.

"I eat da frozen tomatoes, they're a healthy snack, doncha know...." He took a bite."...beardo."

Falco snapped to attention. "Beardo?!?" He grabbed his walkie talkie."Guys, I FOUND HIM!!"

When the others had congregated around him, Mario stepped forward with a badge.

"We're Sector SSBM, we were told you have information for us."

The Eskimo nodded. His frozen-tomato-snack done, he tossed aside the stick. "It's important information, beardo. Something weird is going on in Brazil! Sudden weapons and da like, comin' out of nowhere. Oh, and I belive Zelda is already dere waitin' for you guys to arrive, beardo."

The spies cheered.They would get to be somewhere warm, and they'd see Zelda!! None of them wondered about how an eskimo would have information about Brazil.

Hurriedly, they ran onto the megajet, stopping only to thank the Eskimo. It took off. The flight was relatively uneventful, until.....

"**ATCHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!**" The mug holding Mewtwo's tea exploded.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEWW, I've got cat-thing snot on me!!! GROSS!!"

**ThE cHaPpIe EnDs HeRe**

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Wow..... O.o That is a long chapter. Hope you guys liked it!

Steve: The......Eskimo....he.....ate.....a....tomato....

DarkWarLordofDoomness: -.-; Well, yeah. Want me to read that part for you again?

Steve: He....he.....

DarkWarLordofDoomness:  Spit it out, Steve.

Steve: HE ATE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND!!!! TT.TT

DarkWarLordofDoomness: Oo;

Audience: oO;


End file.
